Your People-Pleasing Is Actually Soul Murder

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Hey You—Yes, You.

You know that moment when someone asks for something, and your mouth says “Sure!” before you even check in with yourself?

And your body - Tightens. Contracts. Screams “No.”

But you just said YES.

That’s not kindness. That’s soul abandonment.

You see, I used to think saying no made me selfish.

My mom would say, “Look how much ______ has done for you! You have to do this. You’re obligated.”

But the truth? Always saying yes was killing me. I began to resent myself.

Who I Used to Be

I was the dependable one.
I was the emotional first responder.
The potluck planner, last-minute babysitter, yes-girl, the glue.

Even when I was breaking, I smiled. It didn’t matter that I was breaking - until it did.

One day, I hit a wall—hard.

Driving home from work, my Wusband asked, “What’s for dinner?”

And I froze. Couldn’t answer. Couldn’t breathe.

My chest was pounding. My head buzzed. Heart attack? We were both scared, and so we rushed to the ER.

The doctor mentioned “panic attacks” and asked, “Has she been under a lot of stress?”

No shit.

When you’re raised to anticipate everyone else’s needs, you forget you have your own.

The Breaking Point (Part Two)

So, for a health break, I finally planned a solo weekend for myself—I couldn’t remember the last time I had done that for myself.

Then came the call: “Can you watch my kids?”

And I found myself saying yes, but my body was screaming NOOO! And I was thinking, “What the hell, Debby! Do you HEAR YOURSELF?!?!”

That night, I sat on the bathroom floor sobbing. Not because of her request, but because I betrayed myself. Again.

Sister, this Isn’t Just People-Pleasing.

It’s soul abandonment. I abandoned myself. And I had done it most of my life.

Religious conditioning is a formed belief that a “good woman” gives until there’s nothing left.

But here’s the truth:

Every time you say yes when you mean no, you teach the world that your feelings are optional—and your truth is disposable.

So I’m sharing a truth with you today - and a permission slip:

You can love people and still say no.

You can protect your peace and still be kind.

You can choose you—without apology.

Who I Am Now

I say no. Clearly, kindly, and without guilt.

Some people didn’t like it. And some people walked away from me completely because I wasn’t readily available as a door mat anytime they ‘needed’ something.

But the ones who stayed see me for ME. They respect boundaries. They love the real me.

And most important—I finally love me, too.

If your stomach dropped while reading this—
if you recognized your own pattern between the lines—
this is your sign.

You’re not selfish.
And you’re allowed to stop abandoning yourself. Starting now.

If you're learning how to trust yourself again after years of suppression and spiritual gaslighting because of religious conditioning -
I created this for you:
👉 Unchurching the Soul - A Guide for Women healing from religion

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The Art of Becoming: The "Energy Audit" Visualization

Close your eyes and imagine your energy as a bank account.

Now visualize everyone in your life approaching that energy bank across a typical week:

• Who makes deposits (fills you up)?

• Who makes withdrawals (drains you)?

• Who consistently overdrafts your account?

• Who assumes they have unlimited access?

Now visualize yourself as the bank manager:

• You get to set the terms.

• You get to close accounts.

• You get to restructure your energy budget.

Draw, paint, journal, or collage what your ideal energy flow looks like.
Notice the gap between your current reality and your soul’s truth.

 3 Ways to Start Setting Boundaries

60-Second Energy Reset: The Boundary Bubble Technique

Stand tall.
Breathe deeply.
Now visualize a golden bubble of light expanding around your body—arm’s length in every direction.

This is your energetic sovereignty.
Say (out loud or in your heart):
“This is my energy. This is my space. I choose what enters here.”

Feel the bubble solidify.
Now gently but firmly release anything you’ve been holding that isn’t yours:
Expectations. Emotions. Entitlement.
Let it all go..

Why this works: According to energy medicine expert Cyndi Dale, we all have energetic boundaries that can be strengthened through visualization and intention. When you consciously create and maintain your energy bubble, you're training your nervous system to recognize what's yours versus what belongs to others.

Memes That Preach (better than a pulpit):

Ready to stop being everyone’s emotional support human?

Join our private Facebook community, The Mystical Meadows, where recovering people-pleasers are learning to say no without apologizing for existing.

Need a roadmap to unlearn the guilt that comes with having needs?
Grab Unchurching the Soul: A Healing Guide to Healing After Religion here:
(👀 Chapter 6 = Boundaries without Hellfire.)

💌 P.S. Love Note

Sweet boundary-setter-in-training,

I know this feels terrifying. You've been taught that having limits makes you selfish, that protecting your energy makes you mean, that saying no makes you unlovable.

But here's what I know to be true: The people who get angry when you set boundaries are the exact people who benefited from you not having any. Their discomfort with your growth isn't your responsibility to manage.

You are not a limitless resource for other people to consume. You are not a 24/7 customer service representative for everyone else's needs. You are a human being with finite energy, valid needs, and the divine right to protect what's sacred to you.

The guilt will pass. The resentment of living boundary-less won't.

Keep choosing yourself.

I love you,

Debby

The Mystical Meadows