Your Family Doesn't Want You To Read This

The Truth About ‘Remembering’ (And Why It Terrifies Your Family)

You know that moment when you're sitting at the family dinner table, everyone's talking about church and faith like it's the air they breathe, and you feel like you're drowning in a room full of people who used to know you?

What if I told you that feeling isn't disconnection—it's remembrance?

"I realized I wasn't losing my faith. I was finding myself underneath it." - Amanda, age 29

This isn't rebellion—this is remembrance.

For 40 years, I played the perfect daughter/church girl role—never missed a 3x per week church service, brought casseroles and desserts to church potlucks, and bit my tongue when people made racist and gay comments "in Christian love." Then came the 4th of July cookout that changed everything. My teenage niece asked why God would send people to hell for loving the 'wrong' person. I watched my mother shut down the conversation with "We don't question God's plan" and "That's sin and will send you straight to hell"—and something inside me snapped.

I suddenly remembered being 12 and asking that same question. And I thought of my favorite professor ever - a gay black woman in her mid 30’s that rocked my world with her boldness, her vulnerability and her encouragement about questioning everything. How could a unconditional loving God send her to hell for loving the ‘wrong’ someone?

Then I remembered the Sunday school teacher who made me feel ashamed for wondering if God's love was really conditional - or if we are all ‘spirits living in a body’ and we live forever, how do spirits burn? And then I remembered when I learned to stop asking questions and started performing answers that the church wanted to hear.

That night, I sat outside my house in my car sobbing—not because I was lost, but because I was remembering who I was before religion taught me to be afraid of my own thoughts. I was 4 or 5. Looking at photos of the 4-year old me, I had a joy that couldn’t be contained. Until it was.

I had just entered the most dangerous stage of remembrance. And I almost got stuck there for years.

The 5 Stages of Remembrance and Where You’re Getting Stuck

Here's what I've discovered working with hundreds of women through this process:

Stage 1: The Uncomfortable Questions - You're starting to notice the discomfort

Stage 2: The Recognition - You suddenly see the patterns clearly (where I was)

Stage 3: The Confusion ⚠️ DANGER ZONE - You know what you don't believe anymore, but not what you DO believe

Stage 4: The Reconstruction - You learn to trust your inner knowing again

Stage 5: The Integration - You show up authentically without needing to prove anything

The problem? Most women get stuck in Stage 3 for YEARS because they don't have a roadmap for moving through it.

The problem? Most women get stuck in Stage 3 for YEARS because they don't have a roadmap for moving through it.

If you're feeling more confused than clear about your beliefs, avoiding family gatherings, living a double life, or angry but don't know what to do with it—you're in the Confusion Stage. And here's why that matters: The Confusion Stage is where most women abandon their journey back to themselves.

They think the discomfort means they're doing something wrong, so they either shut down completely or go back to performing the old roles. But confusion isn't a sign you're off track—it's a sign you're exactly where you need to be. You just need the right tools to move through it.

The Truth Compass Technique (Your first step out of stage 3)

Before your next family gathering, try this:

Step 1: Place both hands on your heart and take three deep breaths Step 2: Say internally: "I remember who I was before I learned to be afraid" Step 3: Notice what happens in your body—does it expand or contract?

This is your truth compass. When someone says something that makes you contract, that's your inner GPS pointing you toward what's not yours to carry.

Family gatherings trigger remembrance because they're where the conditioning was strongest. Every "Let's pray" that makes your skin crawl, every theological statement that makes you want to scream—these aren't signs of rebellion. They're your soul saying "This isn't who I am."

Here's what I wish someone had told me: The discomfort you feel isn't the problem—it's the solution trying to emerge.

Why Reading About It Isn't Enough

If you're reading this and feeling that familiar mix of recognition and fear, you're not alone. But here's the truth: Reading about remembrance isn't the same as actually remembering.

You can't think your way out of religious conditioning. You can't willpower your way into authentic selfhood. You need a system. You need support. You need someone who's been where you are and can show you the way through.

I finally learned this. I can now sit through family dinners, use my truth compass to stay centered, and even speak up when needed—all without the drama and emotional chaos I used to experience.

How? I learned the complete system I teach for moving through all 5 stages of remembrance.

II've created "Unchurching the Soul: A Complete Guide to Healing After Religion"—your roadmap out of Stage 3 confusion.

This isn't just insights. It's a step-by-step healing journey with 9 guided sections that move you from "I don't know what I believe anymore" to "I trust what I know in my bones." You'll get journal prompts, breathwork practices, somatic tools, and gentle processes to help you navigate triggers, process grief, and rebuild your sacred connection on YOUR terms.

Stop staying stuck in confusion for years like most women do.

Get your copy here and start your journey out of Stage 3

💌 P.S. Love Note

Sweet remembering sister, you were never broken. You were never too much. And you were never wrong for wanting a faith that felt like freedom instead of a cage.

You don't have to figure this out alone.

Keep remembering, beautiful one. The world needs who you really are.

All my love, Debby

The Mystical Meadows

P.S. Ready to stop getting stuck in confusion? Join thousands of women in our private Facebook community, The Mystical Meadows. Click to join!

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