Why I Still Panic When I Hear Church Music in the Grocery

The Past Snuck Up On Me In The Grocery

Last Tuesday, I was grocery shopping when "How Great Thou Art" started playing overhead. First, I began to visually imagine playing that same song - I played it hundreds of times. Then, my chest tightened. My breathing got shallow. And suddenly I was 21 again, standing in that suffocating sanctuary, playing while the organist, an older woman, gave me scathing looks because I played what I felt, not always what was written on paper.

Even though I've been free for years, my body and nervous system remembered.

This is the thing about religious trauma—it lives in our nervous system long after we've intellectually moved on. One song, one Sunday morning, one disapproving look can send us spiraling back to that little girl, teenager, or young woman who learned her worth was conditional.

But here's what I've learned: when the past hits hard, we don't have to white-knuckle our way through it. We need gentle, sacred tools that honor both our spiritual nature and our very human need for safety.

The Deeper Pattern

Your body learned early that love came with conditions. That your voice was dangerous. That your questions made you "rebellious." That your joy was somehow selfish.

So of course you feel unsafe when you start choosing yourself. Of course anxiety shows up when you honor your own knowing. Your nervous system is trying to protect you the only way it learned how—by making you small.

But beloved, you are no longer that scared child needing approval to exist. You are a woman reclaiming her birthright to be fully, unapologetically herself.

My 3 Favorite Tools for When the Past Hits Hard

1. The Sunday Morning Reset When religious programming surfaces, place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Take three deep breaths and say out loud: "This body is my temple. And this breath is my prayer." Scan from head to feet, shake out any tension, then stretch your arms wide: "I am free to be here, now, as I am."

2. The Shame Shake-Out When guilt attacks hit, stand and shake your hands vigorously for 30 seconds. Add your arms, then your whole body. Shake for 2-3 minutes, imagining shame leaving through your fingertips. Stop suddenly and notice the aliveness where shame used to be. This literally shakes trauma out of your tissues.

3. Boundary Breathing When you feel invaded by old "shoulds," close your eyes and imagine your breath creating a golden bubble around you. With each inhale, expand this protective boundary. With each exhale, push out anything that isn't yours to carry. Breathe your boundaries stronger for two full minutes.

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Come Home to Yourself with Simple, Holistic Tools

You know that moment when the past crashes into your present uninvited? When Sunday morning anxiety hits out of nowhere, or an old shame spiral catches you completely off guard?

I've been there. We've ALL been there.

That's why I created something I wish I'd had during my darkest deconstruction days: "Exvangelical Women's Healing Toolkit: Simple holistic practices for when the past still lingers."

This isn't theory or fluff. These are the exact 80+ pages of trauma-informed practices that helped me transform Sunday anxiety into Sunday sacred. Somatic healing, intuitive art therapy, gentle NLP rewiring, and sacred energy work—all designed specifically for women untangling religious conditioning.

Because you don't have to white-knuckle your way through healing. You don't have to carry what was never yours to begin with.

Your nervous system deserves tools that actually work. Your beautiful, brave heart deserves practices that honor how far you've come.

Your past does not define you, your programming does not control you and your fear does not own you.

I love you BIG and have a fierce, passionate belief in your healing,

Debby

P.S. Next newsletter: How to trust your intuition when you were taught it was dangerous..

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