Where the rubber meets the road

Safety didn’t come from a man. It came when I chose me.

Today’s Truth: (in 5 seconds)
Safety isn’t something someone else gives you.
It’s what rises in your body the moment you finally choose yourself.

I remember the very first time I chose MYSELF.

I remember the exact moment.

We were in the car. I was driving him to the airport. I had lost 15 pounds from stress and constant criticism—what I wore, what I ate, how I moved through the world. Nothing was ever right.

He turned and asked, "Are we going to get past this?"

But this time, I heard what he really meant:
"Are you going to fall back in line with what I want—or not?"

Something in me broke free.
I turned to him and said, "No. We are not going to get past this. You’re flying to your destination. I’m going home. To Kentucky. To my family."

And silently, inside my chest, I whispered:
"And to peace."

Two days earlier, my therapist had asked, “Do you love him?”
For the first imte, without hesitation, I answered, “Yes. But I love me more.”

That was the first time I had ever put myself first.
It cracked open a possibility:
Maybe I was worth choosing.

A few days later, I crammed my plants, my music, my art, and a few essentials into my SUV and on the roof rack. I had barely any money, but I had breath in my lungs and a full tank of self-trust. That 12-hour drive home was the first time I felt safe in my body.

Not because someone rescued me.
Because I stopped abandoning myself.

The Deeper Pattern

Here’s the hard truth:
If you’re an empath… and you were raised in high-control religion…
You were conditioned to make yourself small, whether you realize it or not.
You were ‘trained’ to stay quiet, keep the peace, and give others the benefit of the doubt—especially men.

You were taught that sacrifice meant love,
Submission meant holiness,
And that suffering - and putting others first at the cost of yourself - made you worthy.

So you overlooked the red flags.
You rationalized the emotional whiplash.
And you stayed.

Not because you were weak—but because you were trained to.

That training ends now.

Somatic Practice: The Nervous YES

Saying yes to yourself—especially after years of self-abandonment—can stir anxiety, guilt, even grief.

Let’s meet that nervous system response with presence, not pressure.

Find a quiet moment.

  • Sit or lie down. Let your body be supported.

  • Place one hand over your heart, the other over your low belly.

  • Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.

  • Hold gently for a count of 4.

  • Exhale through softly parted lips for a count of 6.

  • Do this three times.

Now whisper softly—out loud or in your mind:
“It’s safe to say yes to me.”
“I don’t have to rush. I just have to stay.”

Notice: What emotions rise? Where do they land in your body?

Can you breathe into that place with love instead of judgment?

Your yes may come with a tremble. That’s not a no—it’s the sound of old wiring unraveling.

You don’t have to force it. You only have to stay with yourself.

Art Prompt: Your First YES

Look at the painting above. Let it stir something in you.

Now ask yourself:
What is the thing I’ve been denying myself?
What would it feel like to say YES to it—fully, without apology?

Today, I invite you to paint, scribble, or collage your YES.
Not someone else’s. Not the safe one.
Your brave, wild, waiting YES.

What color is it?
What shape does it take?
What does your body feel like when you say it?

This is how we begin again - with the first step, no matter how small.

This is how we unlearn the lie that love must cost us ourselves.

You ARE enough, sister. And I’m here to remind you. <3

I love you,

Debby

Video Coming Monday

This coming Monday, I’ll share a short video where I guide you through this exact grounding tool, and speak more about choosing peace over performative love. Watch for it.

The Next Spiral

Why healing feels so lonely - and what helps.

I recommend:

EmberlightA weekly spark of healing, hope, and truth for those rising from the ashes of trauma.
Daily MotivationYour daily dose of positivity!