Where I’ve Been (And Why I Had to Burn It Down to Rise)

Dear One,

If you found me through an art retreat, a creative course, or a downloadable resource I made for your art classroom… you may have noticed:

I went quiet.

For almost two years.

I didn’t mean to disappear.
But I burned out — not just creatively, but soul-deep.

What I now understand is this:
I wasn’t just exhausted from teaching or painting.
I was unraveling.

Behind the burnout was a slow reckoning with everything I once believed, performed, and built my identity around.

Here’s my story — maybe you’ll recognize a part of yours in it. 

For most of my life, I was all in with church.
It was the container I was raised in — a deeply religious, high-control environment that shaped every corner of who I thought I had to be.

I served. I sang. I transposed music.
I wrote curriculum. I led worship. I taught Bible studies.
I gave, gave, gave until I forgot where I ended… and obligation began.

I was taught:

• That being selfless was holy

• That speaking up was prideful

• That any doubt meant I was drifting

• That my worth was measured by how well I ignored my needs and wants for others

• And that guidance came from outside me — never from the still, sacred voice within

So, I silenced myself, and called it devotion. For most of my life I was really good at it.
Until one day… I couldn’t anymore.

I was given a choice that would change everything.

At 40 years old — a single mom on welfare — I chose to go to college.
I wanted better. For myself. For my girls.

So I told the pastoral staff I needed to step away from my volunteer roles to focus on school.

They didn’t bless my growth. Instead, they did something that absolutely blew my mind.
They asked for my keys and shut the door behind me. I’m serious.

I was like….what?! This cannot be happening.

Just like that — I was out.
No goodbye, no community, no soft landing.

The church had been my family, my social life, my entire circle of belonging.
And suddenly… I had no one. I was alone.

But something happened in that silence.

I heard it.
The voice beneath the performance.
The whisper I’d been trained to ignore:

That was the day I walked away from religion.
Not because I lost faith —
But because I finally found me.

• Women are taught that “biblical submission” is holy — even when it means ignoring red flags, tolerating disrespect, or erasing their voice in relationships.

• From a young age, women are taught to “pray about it” and “wait on God” instead of trusting their own gut. I am, in NO WAY, against praying, nor God.
  But that message? You can’t trust yourself.

• In my own life, I was \ praised for staying in a painful and abusive marriage, toxic communities, or roles that depleted me — and was told my suffering was “for a purpose” or “building character.”

• Women are often pressured to “forgive and forget” abuse, betrayal, or spiritual harm — without boundaries, safety, or accountability.

• You’re taught to feel bad for setting boundaries, saying no, or walking away. Guilt becomes your leash — and they call it “conviction.”

• “God speaks through your pastor… your husband… your leader…”
  Women are taught that spiritual authority is always male, and questioning it is rebellion.

• Outspokenness is often labeled as rebellious, emotional, or “having a Jezebel spirit.” Women are rewarded for being agreeable, not honest.

That unraveling took years.
And in the last two years, I’ve gone inward in ways I never had before.

I’ve:

• Named and healed toxic patterns

• Grieved the versions of me who only knew how to please

• Untangled inherited codependency

• And reclaimed the parts of myself I’d buried beneath obedience

And through that sacred spiral…
Something new was born.

What you’ll find in this newsletter — and in my new work — is the fusion of all I’ve lived:

🖌️ Art as ritual
🕯️ Boundaries as spiritual practice
🌿 Truth-telling as liberation
🔥 Creativity as a portal for healing

I may look like the same woman…
But inside, I’ve risen from the ashes.

And if you’re still here — still reading — thank you.
You’re witnessing something sacred.

The rising of a woman who’s finally done performing.
The soft, glowing voice of a soul who is finally home.

This is The Meadow Speaks.
And I’m so grateful you’re here to listen.

Listen, I didn’t set out to start a group.
I set out to find peace.

But as I kept healing, shedding, and listening… I realized I wasn’t the only one waking up inside the wreckage of old belief systems and burnout.

I wasn’t the only woman asking,

So I created The Mystical Meadows — a free, private sanctuary for women like us.
This is a safe place to be vulnerable and begin to recognize and heal patterns that hold us back. It’s a place to unlearn guilt, shame, and obligation.
To name what still hurts. To witness each other’s journey.
To rest. To rise.
And - to remember. Remember WHO you are, and how much power you can stand in - when you choose yourself.

If your soul whispered yes while reading this, come sit with us.

But there’s another circle… deeper still.

A circle for the woman who’s not just unraveling, but rising.

🔥 The Ember Rising is my monthly membership for sacred women ready to be witnessed.
We meditate, journal, create, share our stories, and reflect each other’s radiance.

It’s not about being “ready.”
It’s about being real.

If you’ve been waiting for a place where your messy magic is welcome —
this is it.

Sacred Offerings in the Shop This Month

The Spark Pack – Personalized AI portrait experience infused with soul archetypes & mystical beauty.
Step into your next visual evolution.

The Rising Flame Pack – Full ritual photo set + storytelling prompts for women who are reclaiming their fire.
It’s not just a photo. It’s a portal.

Personalized Voice-Aligned Custom Built ChatGPT – Your own spiritual support bot, trained in your voice + values.
Perfect for soulful creators, teachers, coaches, or space holders.

—

You don’t have to know where you’re going yet.
You just have to follow the spark!

Until Next Time…

Thank you for walking this spiral with me today!
Whether you’re in the thick of unraveling… or catching your breath after the storm… you belong here.

There is no right pace.
No right path.
Only a sacred remembering of who you were before the world told you to be small.

Take what resonates.
Leave what doesn’t.
And trust — if you're here, it's because something inside you is ready.

We’ll keep walking it together.

With love and fire,
Debby
The Meadow Speaks

P.S.
If you feel you’re no longer aligned with this path — or this email doesn’t resonate anymore — you can unsubscribe anytime, no hard feelings. We honor your sovereignty here. 🕊️🌙 SACRED TRUTH

BUT-

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