What the actual f*ck kind of love makes you question your own sanity?

I didn’t grow up around slamming fists.
But I did grow up in a religious environment around silencing looks,
And around men who made jokes that made my needs feel ridiculous.
It was a facade of concern that was more like control, and ‘fun’ disguised as names that hurt me to the core.
That’s subtle abuse—and it took me years to name it.

Subtle abuse whispers.
It shows up as long silences instead of shouting.
As passive digs instead of full arguments.
It lives in the space between your question and their smirk.
Where your art is “too messy,” your body “too emotional,” and your truth “too inconvenient.”

I lived in that for years.
Where love came with a leash.
Where “submission” meant I didn’t get to have a say, make decisions, or speak up.

I was so used to ‘submission to authority’, in fact - that one year we took our vacation to a week-long religious revival (seriously) and when the speaker said - “If you think it’s easy to submit to spiritual authority, you’ve never done it.” I was confused. Why - wouldn’t - it- be - easy?

I didn’t know then, but submitting to ‘authority’ (which was mostly male) was so deeply ingrained in me that it would negatively affect my life for decades to come. It conditioned me to accept subtle abuse as truth - and to never question it, because it was my ‘normal’.

Overt abuse shouts. Subtle abuse manipulates.
And in religious systems, that abuse often looks like:

• Being called “rebellious” for setting boundaries or asking questions

• Having your gifts used, but never honored

• Being valued for your obedience

• Guilt when you question authority

• Silencing yourself before anyone else has to

Subtle spiritual abuse is hard to name because it’s coded as virtue.
You’re not being harmed, they say—you’re being shaped. “You’re getting closer to God.”

And that included snide remarks that called women out for having a skirt deemed too short - “You’re tempting the men”, or sarcastic name calling that resulted in “It’s just a joke”. “You’re way too sensitive.” And so, women that have grown up in, or been a committed part of, highly controlling religious environments continue the spiral. They ‘know’ this isn’t ok. They feel it in their bones. It causes low-key anxiety and conufsion.

 It’s the long silences, the micro-dismissals, the passive-aggressive digs that leave you questioning your own reality. And that’s what makes it so dangerous—it’s invisible until you name it.

🎨 Visual Oracle: Reclaiming the Voice

She emerged when I realized that serving ‘God’ as a female shouldn’t hurt quietly.

 🔥 3 Ways to Name Subtle Abuse

⚡ 60-Second Energy Reset: The Eden Truth Tap

Why this one:
The collarbone points (K-27s) are crucial in Energy Medicine and the energetic meridians. Tapping here activates clarity, strengthens voice energy, and helps reset the scrambled signals caused by gaslighting and emotional erasure. How to do it:

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Using your fingertips, tap the hollow spaces just below your collarbones (you should be able to feel a little ‘dip’ there, and it may be sore when you press into that space.)

3. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, exhale through your mouth for 6.

4. As you tap, say aloud or silently:
   “I know what I know. I trust what I feel. I am not confused—I’ve been conditioned.”

5. If the area is sore, gently massage the area longer with your fingertips in a circular motion.

Repeat for 30–60 seconds.Why It Works:

• Stimulates K-27 meridian endpoints to rewire fight-flight freeze into presence and voice

• Clears energetic “scramble” from confusion and emotional manipulation

• Grounds you in your own truth, especially after second-guessing or self-doubt

This is a powerful reset when healing from micro-invalidation, dismissal, or chronic self-erasure.

Memes That Preach (Better Than a Pulpit)

A Sacred Offering
If this hits your bones, Unchurching the Soul was written for you.
👉 Get your copy for $22 here (Use code SPEAK to grab this for $15 until 5/29!)
It’s not just a book. It’s a mirror—and a way out.

You are not “too much.” You are remembering who you authentically are - before obedience was your only option.

P.S.
You were never too much, sister.
You were just surrounded by people who were counting on you to stay silent.

The more you trust your knowing and stay open to receive, the layers will start to reveal themselves to you. And when they layers are revealed - they can be healed.

Keep choosing yourself.
Keep choosing your clarity.
Keep choosing your precious voice.

I’m here with you—every unlearning breath of the way.

With love that won’t ask you to shrink,
Debby

Something resonated? Tell me.
I read every single reply, because your voice matters to me.
We don’t do performance healing in this space—we do real reclamation.
So don’t stay silent. I’m listening! Keep choosing yourself. Again and again. I’ll be here, cheering you on!