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Wait... was any of it even real?
WTF?! Everything began to crumble...and quick.
Debby Meadows
June 09, 2025
In partnership with
Quote of the day:
“Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned, to make room for the life that’s waiting.”
When Everything You Built Your Life Around Starts to Crumble
There's a moment—and if you're reading this, you know this moment—when the questions stop whispering and start screaming.
It doesn't come with lightning bolts or burning bridges. More often, it arrives while you're doing something completely ordinary. Folding laundry. Washing dishes. Living your life.
Then, without warning, this question explodes through your mind:
"Was any of it even real? Or was it ALL just... performance?"
Not did I imagine it all. The question that stops your breath is: Was any of it actually mine?
Because you gave everything to that life. Your Sundays became their schedule. Your gifts became their programs. Your voice became their message. Your body became their standard.
You gave your YES before you even knew what your no sounded like.
But once that first crack appears... the questions multiply faster than you can patch them:
• Was that "peace" divine presence... or just the relief of not questioning? • Was that "calling" from God... or did they just see someone they could mold? • Were those goosebumps genuine worship... or the rush of their approval?
That's when the deepest grief hits. Not because you're losing faith—but because you realize you built your entire identity around someone else's blueprint.
You thought you were chosen. Anointed. Set apart.
But maybe you were just... compliant. And when you stopped being manageable, when you started asking inconvenient questions, when you began honoring your own inner knowing—maybe they were relieved to see you go.
Does this sound familiar?
Are you sitting with your own pile of questions, wondering if anything you believed was actually yours?
Have you felt that vertigo when you realize how much of your life was choreographed by other people's expectations?
Maybe you're lying awake at 3 AM, wondering: If I strip away everything they taught me to want, what do I actually desire?
This disorientation? This free-fall feeling? It's not punishment. It's labor pains.
You weren't losing your faith. You were losing the performance of it.
You weren't walking away from the sacred. You were walking away from sacred-looking things that were laced with manipulation, fear, and impossible conditions.
It wasn't the Divine you needed to leave behind. It was the voice that whispered you were only lovable when you were quiet, compliant, and smiling through your pain.
That voice was never holy. It was human. It was small. It was afraid of your power.
The real spiritual awakening doesn't begin when you stop believing. It begins when you start choosing.
When you stop asking "Was it all a lie?" and start whispering: "What's real, now that I get to decide?"
Your questions aren't signs of spiritual failure. They're evidence of spiritual maturity. The willingness to examine what you've been taught, to test it against your lived experience, to honor what rings true and release what doesn't.
Your authentic spiritual journey—the one that belongs to you and you alone—is just beginning.
And you don't have to walk it alone.
Ready to Stop Walking This Path Alone?
Come join us in The Mystical Meadows—a private, sacred space for women who are reclaiming their truth, honoring their inner wisdom, and discovering who they are beyond the roles they were assigned.
We laugh. We cry. We unravel. We rise. We hold space for the messy, beautiful work of becoming.
Your sisterhood that celebrates your becoming, not one that demands your shrinking.
Plus, Grab Your Free Gift
I'm gifting you my "Let It Go" meditation—a gentle practice for releasing what was never yours to carry and embracing what's authentically you.
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The Art of Becoming: “The Torn Page”
An intuitive trauma-informed art ritual for reclaiming your voice after spiritual betrayal
Theme:
You get to rewrite your story.
But first, you get to tear up the version that was written for you.
AI Art by Debby Meadows via Midjourney
Materials:
Any kind of paper (an old journal page, printer paper, even a page from a religious text if you’re ready for that level of reclamation)
Pen, colored pencils, or paint
Scissors or just your hands (ripping is welcome)
Step-by-Step (Intuitive + Somatic Flow):
1. Close your eyes and ask:
“What belief did I hold that never belonged to me?”
Let the first phrase or image come up—don’t force it.
It might be a memory, a Bible verse, a voice, or a rule.
2. On the page, draw or write that belief.
Use color. Symbol. Words. Chaos. Whatever your hands need to express.
3. When it’s complete—pause.
Take a deep breath.
Put your hand on your chest and say:
“This is not mine to carry.”
4. Now rip it. Tear that page.
Not in rage—unless rage is what rises.
Tear it with intention. Slowly. Or fiercely.
Feel it leaving your body through your fingertips.
5. On a fresh page, let your hand move:
Draw the space you’re reclaiming.
It doesn’t need to be pretty.
Let your body guide the shapes.
Let your truth take up space.
Add This Affirmation to the Page:
“I am the author now.
The story of my soul belongs to me. And I get to write it.”
Why This Works:
This ritual is designed to:
Engage bilateral movement (which regulates the nervous system)
Give you symbolic release without needing to talk it out
Reconnect you to your own narrative authority
Offer a body-safe way to express rage, grief, or betrayal through your hands
Activate creative trust—because no one else gets to hold the pen anymore
3 Ways to Anchor Yourself When Everything Feels Like a Lie
✦ You’re not crazy—you’re clearing.
Doubt is not a weakness and questioning isn’t rebellion.
It’s your soul detoxing from indoctrination and spiritual gaslighting.
✦ You can grieve what harmed you.
Even if parts of it were beautiful.
You’re allowed to miss what you had and acknowledge how it shaped you.
✦ Not all collapse is destruction.
Sometimes it’s the scaffolding falling away
so your truth can finally stand tall and authentic.
60-Second Energy Reset: “Central Meridian Sweep”
(from Donna Eden Energy Medicine)
For restoring your sense of truth and balance when you’re spiraling.
Place your hand at your pubic bone (below your belly).
Slowly sweep your hand up your midline—over your belly, chest, throat, forehead—ending at your third eye.
Take a deep breath.
Do this 3 times, switching hands each time if you’d like.
This realigns your central meridian, which governs self-trust, clarity, and direction.
As you move your hand, whisper:
Why it works:
Why This Energy Reset Works:
The central meridian is your body’s energetic spine—it holds your clarity, your voice, your truth.
When you sweep your hand up this pathway, you’re not just calming your nerves…
You’re reminding your body that it’s safe to stand in your own knowing now.
This gentle movement clears energetic static, recenters your intuition, and reclaims your direction after years of spiritual gaslighting.
It’s simple. But it’s powerful.
Because this time—you’re the one doing the anointing.
Memes that Preach (better than a pulpit!):
Unchurching the Soul
If today’s story stirred something inside you…
Unchurching the Soul might be what your spirit’s been waiting for.
It’s part book, part mirror, part reclamation.
A sacred guide for the woman waking up from spiritual manipulation and longing to remember who she was before obedience became her identity.
40+ pages of prompts, questions, reflections, a healing companion — not a rulebook.
A printable, soul-rooted journey designed to help you:
- Process the grief, guilt, and disorientation that often follow religious deconstruction
- Unpack and rewrite the scripts you were taught about worth, love, and identity
📘 Find yourself inside these pages → Grab your copy here
💛 P.S. Love Note
P.S. I know this healing path can feel brutal and beautiful all at once.
So here’s a virtual hug—from one woman doing the sacred unraveling to another.
You're not broken, sister. I promise.
You're becoming. And it’s a beautiful journey.
I love you! Debby
Was there a line that hit you right in the gut?
A memory it brought back? A truth that rose up in your chest?
Hit reply. Write me back.
I read every. single. one.
This isn’t a stage—it’s a circle.
And your voice belongs here!
I love hearing from you!
And I love you,
Debby
