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For most of my life, my creative gifts were for everyone but me.

I grew up in uber strict religion that taught me that my gifts were meant for God and “to further the kingdom.” And from the time I was ten until I turned forty, I played piano in church. That’s three whole decades of giving my gifts away!

Yet, there were moments I really loved, like the rare jazz piece my piano teacher let me play, the fun we had rehearsing in the praise band, and the times when the Flow carried us, all in perfect tune together, improvising and feeling our way through the chords like they were magic. But at the end of the day, my inner belief was that religion owned much more of my gifts than I did.

Later, when I became an art teacher, I created art, but always with the guise of teacher samples or for other people’s approval. Even when I finally found my ‘art tribe’ of sisters and we painted together at retreats, I believed my work had to be “worthy” of an art degree. I was always ruminating in my head about what my parents, my kids, my friends would think about what I created or did and how/why I made decisions. My decision making was never for me - my decisions were always run through the filter of others in my head before they were made. And they weren’t even truly what I wanted most of the time.

Not long ago, during a timeline healing session, this knowledge literally dropped down inside me and flat lit me up: I was made with my creative gifts…for ME! Not as a tool for a cause, and not as a currency for love or approval. Simply for me! I get to create from my inner Flow and other people can drink from the overflow, but the spring itself belongs to ME!

As it is in most of my healing sessions, the simplicity of the real truth never ceases to amaze me. And as I realized my creativity was all MINE, created just for me, I began to cry. The beauty of it cracked me wide open, and what poured out was pure joy, unfiltered and mine to keep! I’ve made art and music two of my daily non-negotiable joy practices.

But this whole practice of choosing myself didn’t arrive with a fireworks show.

Yes, I’ve made big strides and have healed a lot of the layers, but the real shift and integration has come in more quietly. It came as I slowed down, listened to my body, and honored the whispering of my gut (intuition) and following it. With each small choice of honoring my “yes” and my “no” instead of doing what everyone else wanted or to make them happy, I began to see it: this is what it feels like to choose me, first.

Choosing myself doesn’t mean I’ve shut people out or started living with a “me first” selfish edge. But it does mean I’ve given myself the gift of space: Breathing, pausing, and listening before moving, speaking, or agreeing. That pause is not selfish. It is self-love. It is forgiving and loving all of me. It is freedom!

Now, choosing myself means I honor the in-between - between healing the layer and the integration and embodiment of it. I trust my inner timing. I can sit with discomfort instead of scrambling to erase it, and I’m learning to listen inward before I ever look outward. I ask, What do I need right now? What feels true for me?instead of rushing to figure out what will make everyone else happy.

This isn’t always easy, especially for someone like me who was religiously conditioned to be the reliable one, the available one, the selfless one. I know many of you were too. But here’s what I know now: choosing myself is not betrayal. It is devotion and honoring myself. Choosing me is the bridge between self-abandonment and self-respect, between fear-based action and freedom-based living. Choosing myself is choosing life—my life, in my timing, with my joy at the center!

And from this wonderful, joy filled place, I finally feel like I am walking and living as my true self—with love, with peace, and with space for joy to rise on the daily.

✨ Ready to taste more joy in your daily routine? I created The Daily Joy: 100 Ways to Find Joy in 5 Minutes or Less—a free gift for my sisters who are ready to choose themselves!

Because joy makes a life-changing difference, and choosing yourself is where it begins.

I LOVE you!!
Debby

Things Lighting Me Up This Week:

• My new art supply I am obsessed with!

• And…the gold

• FIA’s music

Some of the links I share are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to order through them, I may receive a small commission—at no extra cost to you.

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