18 months ago, I moved everything I owned from Kentucky down to Florida, into a little cottage by the bayou that opened right into the Gulf. It was gorgeous—the soft sugar-white sand felt amazing between my toes, and combined with the most beautiful emerald and turquoise waters, those stretches of beach walks felt like medicine. And they were at the time. But six months in, I found myself selling most of my things, loading the rest into storage, and heading… well, nowhere in particular.

And then my body spoke. Loudly.

I landed in the ER again with diverticulitis—not once, but three times in six months. I couldn’t eat much of anything, and my body was calling out what my mind had been trying to just ignore. I had stored anxiety and fear in every one of my cells and was running on fight–flight–survival mode. Something had to give.

I finally called my dad and said, “Dad, This just isn’t working. And I’m in the hospital…again.” He didn’t hesitate: “Deb, come home. Let the mud settle and the water will become clear. And then, you can decide with clarity. ”

So I did. And that began what I now call the year of healing.

Here’s the truth I’ve uncovered, and I know I’ve said it before, but it’s SO important it bears repeating: I am the love I was searching for. I am my own safety. And I don’t need to search for it outside of myself again. That last one, safety…was a HUGE piece of the puzzle. Recently, a part of my healing session homework was writing down my timeline, event after event. It plainly showed me the pattern that started when I was 18: looking outside myself for love and validation. I repeated that pattern for forty years before I even realized it was a pattern!

And if there’s one thing I want you to take from this, here it is:
Getting to the root of why you reach outside yourself for love and safety changes everything.

To continue my story, the mud settling and the water becoming very clear - gaining clarity - started through consistent meditation.

Now, before you roll your eyes—I get it. I had all the excuses too. But here’s what shifted. I started sitting in silence. No music, no mantra, just me. Five minutes a day added up until I hit 30 minutes, then 40. A few days ago, I followed with my usual grounding, then in my mind’s eye, I shot up through my crown and searched for my ‘star’ to connect to. I couldn’t find it; it had totally disappeared. Instead, I saw a smaller, barely lit star, and was drawn to it - but instead of lush green terrain, I found myself in a desert—purple and orange rocks, cliffs, and lots of heat. I called out to Spirit, and nothing came. NOTHING.

I stood around, kicked some rocks, and decided to sit in the stillness. It was then that heard a gentle whisper - “Remember, you are a conduit, not a container.” This had been spoken the same way to me in my last healing session. So, right then and there in the middle of a meditation, I began to travel through my timeline, remembering and noticing all the times where I had hoarded my gifts instead of sharing them with the world. The reasons varied, but most fell into “I’m an imposter”, “I’m not enough”, “Nobody will buy my work”, “Nobody wants what I offer”. And you know what? They were RIGHT. Because that’s what I believed deep down. And so, that manifested in my life.

As I finished walking through the timeline of my life and remembering, Spirit’s voice came clear and steady: “If you are truly I AM creation energy - which you are - It’s time to live like it. Every life you touch creates a ripple. Just flow. You are a CONDUIT. Not a container!”

That landed true. Because containers stagnate. But conduits flow. And if you’re a creative, the more you live in the creative flow, the more you live in creation energy. And that’s the sweet spot!

This is one of the reasons I created Unchurching the Soul: A Guide for Women Healing After Religion. It’s a guide of what I wish I had when I left religion for good. I KNOW this guide works; it’s helped scores of women work through that in between of not recognizing who you are, yet not knowing who you’re becoming. I don’t know if it will stay in my shop after October, because I’m revamping everything. What I know is this guide holds the kinds of practices that first helped me decondition, grieve, and reclaim myself. I made this for you so you can move through the process faster and with more clarity than I did. Think of it as sort of a love letter, because that’s what I was thinking of when I made it!

→ [Grab your copy here while it’s still available.]

And because stepping into love, peace, and joy isn’t a one-time decision, but a daily intentional one…I’m excited to share some new things happening in my world! I’ve partnered with a music company called I Am Sound, and soon I’ll be sharing my own Native American drone flute music, along with simple “flutorials” and special discounts for you, so stay tuned! This company creates Native American Style flutes and Ocarinas that are affordable, beautiful, and eco-friendly, priced a lot lower than they "should" be to make them accessible to as many humans as possible. And that’s something I am ON BOARD WITH!

And- one more thing - deep breath here - I finally did something I’ve dreamed of for years. I bought a 10x10 canopy tent, and I’m beginning to create a body of art to sell at markets and festivals. It feels expansive and free!

Sister, stepping into your own freedom doesn’t have to be big and flashy. It can be as simple as your next baby step of doing something for yourself that you truly love.

So tell me—what are you stepping into right now?

Gosh, I love y’all!
Debby

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