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She Called Her Dead Mother's Voicemail to Ask What to Wear
The Permission Wound makes you abandon your own choices - and here's why
Debby Meadows
July 17, 2025
Today’s Truth: (in 5 seconds)
Women who leave religion struggle with trusting their own decisions because they were conditioned to believe your inner knowing (intuitiion) was dangerous. I’m here to tell you that you CAN learn to trust your self and your gut - she will never steer you wrong!
What “DO” you want? Hmmm?
You know that moment when someone asks "What do you want?" and your mind goes completely blank? Not because you don't have preferences, but because wanting feels dangerous. That's not indecision—that's the Permission Wound, and it’s way more common than you might think - especially after leaving a high control religious environment.
Religious conditioning taught you that your inner knowing is fundamentally untrustworthy. Good girls don't trust themselves—they trust authority figures, scripture, and everyone else's interpretation of what God wants for your life.
But never, EVER - do you trust yourself.
Boy did they have it all wrong!
Talk about muting your soul! Religion completely took the mic away - and we unknowingly let them.
The Permission Wound is the deep belief that you need external validation to make even the smallest decisions. And it entangled me for most of my life.
One of my church friends was Maria. Maria called her mother about everything—what to wear, whether to buy organic vegetables, if she should text a guy back. When her mother died suddenly, Maria sat paralyzed in her apartment, unable to decide what to even eat for breakfast. Without her external permission-giver, she realized she had no idea who she was or what she actually wanted. She had no idea how to make a simple decision without running it through a ‘committee’ of other people.
The Permission Wound has five distinct stages, and most women get stuck in Stage 3 for years.
The 5 Stages of Permission Wound Healing
Stage 1: Unconscious Compliance - You don't realize you're asking for permission
Stage 2: Aware but Afraid - You notice the pattern but feel terrified
Stage 3: The Rebellion-Guilt Cycle - You make independent choices but immediately feel guilty (most women stay stuck here for years)
Stage 4: Sacred Boundaries - You trust your inner guidance while managing others' reactions
Stage 5: Sovereign Self - You operate from your own authority
The problem: Most women exhaust themselves in Stage 3, cycling between asserting themselves and apologizing for it. They think the answer is to rebel harder, but that just creates more guilt.
Quick Assessment: In the last week, how many times did you ask someone's opinion before making a personal decision, change your mind because someone seemed disappointed, or seek validation for choices you'd already made?
If you scored high, you're likely stuck in Stage 3.
Maria spent three years cycling between asserting herself and apologizing. She'd tell her boyfriend she didn't want to go to his work event, then spend the entire night worried she'd been selfish.
She would go try clothes on, and even if she loved the outfit and it made her feel amazing and confident, she wouldn’t buy it unless her friends shopping with her approved.
The breakthrough came when Maria learned the "Sacred Permission Practice"—a specific technique for rewiring the nervous system response that keeps you stuck in the rebellion-guilt cycle.
🎨 Art Moment: The Voice Inside the Cage
Draw, paint, or collage the moment you first realized your voice had been caged. Imagine that voice as a being, shape, symbol, or color—whatever feels true. Is it a child? A bird? A fire? A handwritten letter never sent?
Now show what the cage looks like.
Who built it? What material is it made of?
Steel? Scripture? Mother's voice? Fear?
Finally, include one detail that shows the cage beginning to open.
This isn’t about “pretty”—it’s about truth. Let your subconscious speak. Let it be messy, tender, bold, or quiet.
I facilitated and taught this painting course a couple of years ago for the Festival of Feminine Artistry & Power. Little did I know she was a reflection of ME. I knew she was unfinished - but it took 2 years for me to grow and heal - realizing she was waiting for her ‘cage’ to break out of! I will include the finished painting in an upcoming newsletter!
How to begin to heal from The Permission Trap
When you’ve spent decades asking others what’s best for you, your nervous system sees self-trust as a threat. That’s why even small decisions trigger a rebellion-guilt spiral.
This practice rewires that pattern.
Step 1: Ground into your body.
Place your hands on your heart and belly.
Breathe in slowly for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6.
Let your body register presence and safety. Repeat three times.
Step 2: Meet your Inner Council.
Close your eyes and imagine three parts of you sitting around a table:
– The Good Girl (who pleases)
– The Rebel (who resists)
– The Wise One (who knows)
Ask: “What do you want me to know?”
Let each voice speak. Write it down if needed. No judgment. Just presence.
✨ This is where the shift begins. ✨
The rest of this practice shows you how to reclaim your seat at that table—not with force, but with sacred authority.
➡️ Want the full practice, plus nervous system rituals, healing prompts, and spiritual rewiring for your Permission Wound?
Download Unchurching the Soul now.
This is your sacred permission slip.
Ready to break free from the Permission Wound? Join thousands of women learning to trust their own authority in our private Facebook community, The Mystical Meadows. It's where recovering good girls go to remember they don't need permission to be themselves.
And if you're ready for the complete system to heal your Permission Wound, including the advanced techniques for moving through Stage 3 to Stage 4, grab "Unchurching the Soul: A Guide For Women Healing After Religion" here.
"Debby's remarkable writing gently prompts us to look at our conditioning, name it for what is without bashing the church and the programming we are ready to detox from. This book is a tool to emotionally, mentally and spiritually detox ourselves in the most gentle of ways. It may be the first of its kind. Be prepared to unlock your innate connection to your soul's voice and freedom to express it." -Ginger G.
💌 P.S. Love Note
Sweet sister,
You don't need permission to trust yourself. You don't need permission to have preferences. You don't need permission to choose what feels right for you.
The Permission Wound can be healed, but it requires more than just willpower—it requires understanding the specific stages and having the right tools to move through them.
Keep trusting, beautiful one. Your inner authority is sacred. You CAN trust yourself.
All my love,
The Mystical Meadows
—Debby
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