This is a ritual we do every morning - meeting at the porch swing, sipping coffee, watching the trees wave at us (and of course we wave back), the pond just below whispering the same sound it's made for as long as I can remember. The air smells like wet leaves and earth, and the breeze gently caresses us. Every few seconds, a leaf drifts down and lands on the water - soft, inevitable, gently carried.

I think about all the times life carried me, too.

After a house fire in 1991, I walked through what used to be our little home, and I cried. I cried even harder with gratitude that we were safe and alive. The kindness of neighbors and our small Kentucky town wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

I think about when my first husband came out after 15 years of marriage. He came out of the closet, and I went into one, as I was still deeply immersed in evangelical church culture. But - I survived and grew, and now we have an easy friendship and laugh and talk when we get together with our kids.

I think about years later, holding my infant stillborn son in my arms, feeling his weight, and memorizing his face - the nurses had to almost pry him from my arms. In my state of mind, I wanted him to survive so badly; and I thought if I just kept him in my arms, he would be safe. Inevitably, I handed him back over to the nurses, and I decided I didn't want to live anymore Yet, I did. I had two other girls at home that needed a Mama. I worked through all the feelings, decided I wanted to live again, and began to flourish in life.

I think about leaving several relationships that nearly hollowed me out - and one that almost physically took me out - I remember the fear of keeping my kids safe, and knowing we needed to run. I packed up my three girls (15,13, 1) and me in our minivan and we fled for our lives one night with almost no money and nowhere to go. But, we survived. And we still talk about the resilient story of living in our minivan for those weeks of the unknown.

And then there was my last relationship, the one I thought would last forever…until it didn’t. For the first time in my life, I told him I loved him but I loved myself more - then packed my van and drove away with shaking hands but a steady, lighter heart.

After every single time, I thought: I can't start over again. How am I going to start over again?

But somehow, I did.

And here's what nobody tells you about resilience: it doesn't just help you survive - it teaches you how to truly live.

Every time I thought I was breaking, I was actually breaking open. I opened to more compassion, more wisdom, and more capacity to love myself and others. I developed more trust in my own strength. That house fire taught me that community is real and kindness is everywhere. Losing my son taught me that love doesn't end, it transforms - and that I'm stronger than I ever imagined. Those relationships that nearly destroyed me? They taught me exactly what I deserve, what I don’t deserve, and more importantly, what I won't accept or tolerate anymore. I have my own back and I can find refuge and safety in me!

Here’s the thing: each time I started over, I didn't just rebuild…I built something better. Something truer. And in the past year, I’ve built a life that actually fit who I am becoming, healing, and growing into, not who I thought I had to be.

So now, when I sit on my parent’s porch swing watching the water flow, I don't just see survival; I see beauty. I see growth. And I see a woman who learned that falling apart isn't the end of her story - it's often the beginning of the best chapter yet.

Back then, I didn't call it resilience. I called it survival and putting one foot in front of the other. But now, sitting here, thinking about our creek bed flowing, bending and twisting around rocks and fallen limbs with little effort, I see it differently.

Resilience isn't about staying strong or pretending we're fine.

It's about letting life move through us without letting it destroy us. Resilience is grace in motion…it’s sometimes loud, sometimes barely there. Sometimes it's not polished or pretty. It's muddy and real and human.

Because the truth is, I've broken a hundred times and still found my way back to love. I've walked through fire and come out singing. And I've learned that resilience doesn't mean holding on tighter - it means trusting that when everything falls apart, something deeper is being built inside me.

Here's what I've learned about how resilience actually works:

It's not a trait you're born with or without. It's not about being unbreakable. Real resilience is more like water than stone. Water doesn't resist what's in its path, it moves around it, over it, and through it. It changes form when it needs to. It becomes steam. It becomes ice. And then it melts back into itself again.

Our bodies knows this. When we're overwhelmed, our nervous system tries to protect us by clenching, bracing, holding on. We grip tighter to control, to people, to outcomes. We mistake rigidity for strength. But true resilience lives in our ability to soften, to accept, to release, to let ourselves be held by something bigger than our fear.

Resilience is built in the pauses and in the exhales. It’s in the moment where you stop fighting the current, let it carry you, and remember you already know how to float.

So let me ask you this:

Where have you mistaken holding on for healing?

What are you still gripping that's keeping you stuck - not safe?

And what would happen if, just for today, you let yourself flow like water?

Maybe resilience isn't about bouncing back. Maybe it's about flowing forward, even when you don't know where the river leads. Maybe it's trusting that even if the current takes you under, you’ll come up to the top and the current will carry you through.

You don't have to be strong all the time. You just have to keep moving, softening, accepting, and flowing.

Root Chakra Grounding: A 5-Minute Energy Healing Technique

Your root chakra is your foundation. It's the energy center located at the base of your spine, and it governs your sense of safety, stability, and belonging. When life feels chaotic or uncertain, this is the place to return to. This is where resilience begins—not in your mind, but in your body's deep knowing that you are held, you are safe, and you belong here.

Here's a simple practice you can do anywhere:

1. Find your ground.
Sit or stand with your feet flat on the floor. Feel the weight of your body. Notice where you make contact with the earth beneath you.

2. Breathe into your roots.
Place one hand on your lower belly and one hand on your heart. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and imagine you're drawing energy up from the earth—like roots pulling nutrients from soil. Exhale slowly, letting any tension drain back down into the ground.

3. Speak your truth.
Say aloud or silently:
"I am safe. I am held."

Repeat this three times, breathing deeply with each phrase.

4. Visualize red light.
Imagine a warm, glowing red light at the base of your spine. See it grow brighter with each breath. Let it fill your hips, your legs, your feet. This is your foundation. This is your strength.

5. Seal it in.
Place both hands over your lower belly and take one final deep breath. When you exhale, imagine sealing this energy into your body. You are rooted. You are resilient. You are whole.

Do this practice whenever you feel unsteady and need grounding to connect with your foundation.

Resilience isn't loud and it doesn't announce itself. It's the quiet hum beneath everything - the part of you that keeps going even when you're not sure how. It's the creek that keeps flowing. The leaf that lands softly. The woman who drives away with shaking hands and a lighter heart.

That's you. That's all of us.

As my favorite band, Rising Appalachia says in their song,: I am resilient, I trust the movement, I negate the chaos, uplift the negative; I show up at the table…again and again and again! I close my mouth and learn to listen…”

Yours In the Flow!
Debby

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