You know how when you peel a real onion, the closer you get to the center, sometimes the softer it becomes? More tender, almost translucent? That's how these healing layers are working for me - the deeper I go, the more vulnerable the truth becomes.

You probably already know that I was raised in the epitome of the patriarchy in rural Kentucky. It was a religious cult of sorts - A world where women asked permission to think. Sometimes I asked out loud, but sometimes it was so subconscious I didn't even realize I was doing it. But it was always there; that pause, where I Iooked outward for approval before moving forward.

In my world, the male always knew best. It was a world where men made the decisions. Most of the time, consulting with the female was not needed and irrelevant, even if it concerned her. And here's the thing you might recognize in your own story: I learned to trust that outside voice as truth instead of the one inside me. I was taught this was godly, holy, and right.

My intuition - that quiet knowing that rises from somewhere deep within my gut - was deemed suspicious. She was untrustworthy, she was probably selfish, and she was definitely sinful. Just because.

THIS WAS THE LAYER! I realized that - as a 60 year old woman, I ‘still’ subconsciously asked for permission on a deep level. I still asked for permission on how to feel, permission to take care of my body and its needs, and permission to make confident decisions without consulting either fifty million friends, family, doctors, or advisors. What I wanted was still irrelevant. And when I looked back at how many times in my life I had asked permission on a subconscious level - WOW.

Sister, what if that voice deep inside us, known as intuition, IS the voice of God? What if the Divine, the Universe, Spirit, Source—whatever name resonates with you—what if that wisdom has been living in us all along, and we were taught to tune it out?

Over fifteen years ago, during my undergrad teacher training, I read a book that cracked me plumb open. The book was Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Freire described what he called the "banking model" of education - where the teacher is positioned as the only knowledge holder, depositing information into empty student vessels. He argued this model is oppressive because it makes students passive recipients rather than active participants in their own learning.

Sound familiar?

Religion operates on the same model! The priest, the pastor, the elder, the husband and the father hold the knowledge. They have the direct line to God. They are the ones who make the deposits. And who are we? We're the empty vessels. We receive. We obey. We trust their interpretation of the Divine over our own direct experience, because it’s godly, holy, and right. Until it’s not.

In the religion I grew up in, women were taught that our spiritual accounts are managed by someone else, and our inner knowing is less reliable than the external authority figure's pronouncements. So we become fearful if we have to make a decision ourselves - it’s called decision paralysis.

Freire wrote: "The oppressed, having internalized the image of the oppressor and adopted his guidelines, are fearful of freedom."

Read that again.

Fearful of freedom.

I was groomed this way and I did't even recognize it, because was in the very fabric of how I move through the world, even 20 years after leaving religion.

Here are some of the ways this manifested in my life: Running from one thing to the next, seeking safety in new relationships or friendships, looking for someone or something to tell me what's true, what’s right, and what I should do next.

Because…what if…I make a wrong decision?

I blamed circumstances - bad timing, wrong people, unlucky breaks. And yes, circumstances matter. But there was a root cause underneath it all. I realized there was a pattern I kept recreating because I hadn’t uncovered the root of why I did the things I did.

I'm not here to tell you what to do. (Do you see the irony if I did?)

But I AM here to ask you some questions:

What if you already know? What if the wisdom you've been seeking outside yourself has been inside you this entire time? What if your intuition isn't something to override or second-guess, but something to honor as sacred?

What if trusting yourself isn't selfish…it's the most spiritual thing you can do?

And what if there isn’t a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choice, but a third one - what YOU want to choose and what your intuition is telling you?

My layers keep peeling. Each one more tender than the last.

Now I know down deep that the permission I was waiting for was never anyone else's to give.

It was always mine.

And it's always been yours.

Where are you still asking permission? Where are you looking outside yourself for an answer that's already whispering inside you? And what would it feel like to trust that voice…reverently - as the Divine speaking through you?

I would LOVE for you to reply to this email and tell me: What's one place in your life where you're ready to stop asking permission? I read every single response, and I'd love to hear what's stirring in you!

One thing I know for sure: We weren't made to be a vessel for someone else's truth. We were made to be a conduit for our own.

I love you!
Debby

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