But the previous version of me carried low- to high-key anxiety 24/7. Oh, you wouldn’t know if by looking because I got really good at hiding it! Some of it wasn’t even mine to begin with, but it was inherited; passed down woman to woman, generation to generation from my great-grandmother to my grandmother, then my mom, and finally to me. That anxious current shaped my nervous system and quietly ran my life for decades.

Not only was I anxious, but when a relationship ended, I burned it to the ground. I didn’t just close the chapter, I set the whole book on fire! There’s not one of my exes I’m in contact with, except my first wusband, who is the father of my two oldest girls, and my last wusband, who adopted my youngest daughter.

Whether you’re the one doing the breaking up or the one being left, heartache hits deep. And when it does, we often reach for stories that protect us from pain:
All my exes are narcissists.
I always end up with emotionally unavailable partners.
I was the perfect partner…they just took me for granted.

And how about, “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y!” and "I'm always the one who gets hurt." If you go back and listen to my early interviews from 2019-2023, you’ll hear me say something like, “It was a Russian Roulette of love. And every time, the bullet hit me.” And I really believed it. Been there? Ya, me too.

Those stories help us survive, but they also keep us blind. They create an illusion that the pain was only ever “out there,” and we had absolutely nothing to do with it, when in truth, part of it has always been within.

The truth is, people who take accountability for their part in relationships…any relationships…are treasures. They don’t shift blame, make excuses, or play the victim. They own their choices. And, as a result, they grow, change, and transform into absolutely beautiful, because they are living authentically as themselves from a higher frequency of love, peace, and joy. Listen to me closely: It took a while for me to get there. What I know is, every journey starts with a solitary step.

One of my early business coaches taught me the difference between guilt and shame, and that lesson still echoes through me today.
Guilt says, I did something wrong.
Shame says, I am something wrong.
And the remedy for both? Responsibility.

Responsibility is powerful because it restores your freedom. It removes the need to defend or deflect. Responsibility invites peace back into the room. You stop being at the mercy of someone else’s actions, and you start living from your own integrity.

In my healing, I’ve walked those steps. I’ve sat in the putrid jail cell of my mind, faced my patterns, and owned my part in relationships. I’ve been tossed in the waves of my own making until I finally found still, calm water. Because no matter how painful the story - no matter how manipulative, neglectful, or narcissistic a partner may have been - it still takes two to tango. This may be hard for some of you to hear, and I’m not saying that what happened to you was good or right. But my healing began when I looked at the part of me that stayed, tolerated situations, rationalized decisions or conversations, or kept trying to fix what was never mine to fix.

That’s when transformation happens.

And it’s funny how the Universe gives you sparkly little moments to show you just how far you’ve come.

As I was getting everything in order for my surgery tomorrow, I realized my ex-wusband was still listed as a beneficiary on one of my insurance policies. The old me would have spiraled into anger, rumination, or defensiveness. But this version of me, the one grounded in peace, love and joy…felt nothing but calm.

I sent him a simple text message: If something were to happen, I trust you’ll honor my wishes and pass the funds to our daughter as my will states?

He replied kindly. There was no tension, no barbs. We even had a brief, genuine exchange about art; he’s an artist too—and reminisced about pieces we used to make together. It was, honestly, the most authentic conversation I’ve ever had with the man I was once married to.

That’s what healing looks like. It’s not pretending the past never happened; it’s meeting it with peace.

When we heal ourselves, our world shifts to match our new frequency.
We transform the world by transforming ourselves.

And that, to me, is abundance.

Abundance isn’t only about what you earn, own, or accumulate. It’s about peace of mind. It’s the freedom to respond with grace instead of fear. It’s knowing you already have everything you need inside you - love, trust, safety, flow.

So, as I head into this next chapter of healing, I’ll leave you with this reminder:

True abundance isn’t something you chase;
The moment you choose healing, the universe responds in kind.
Abundance is simply the echo of your inner transformation.

Out of all the places in the interwebs you could be, thank you for being here with me.

I love you,

Debby

P.S. For the next four weeks, my newsletter will arrive in your inbox once a week instead of twice a week to give me time and space to heal. A newsletter on Mondays will still arrive in your inbox as usual!

I’m gifting you a copy of my Abundance Mantra!
Print it out and put it where you can see it daily! Speak it aloud this week. Hang it in your bathroom and speak it to yourself in the mirror while you get ready in the morning.
Let it anchor you in truth, freedom, and flow.

I’ve created a free PDF of my Abundance Mantra to share with you! You can download your copy here.

_{Some links are Amazon affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting The Mystical Meadows.} 💚

NOVEMBER 2-4 | AUSTIN, TX

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