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A year ago, I left.

And listen: This decision changed everything. And I mean…EVERYTHING in me.

The Life That Wasn't Mine

Have you ever lived someone else's version of what your life should look like? Or sinking under the weight of other people’s expectations? Of course you have. Most of us have at one time or another.

Here’s how I took the first step into loving my own life:

Six months earlier, I'd packed up my belongings, left my dream apartment in Kentucky, and moved to Florida with my then-boyfriend. We'd weathered storms before, and this time felt different—calmer waters ahead, or so I told myself.

But I couldn't shake the anxiety eating away at me. Not because I was moving away from my kids, grandkids, and parents, but because of something deeper. My intuition was screaming at me - LITERALLY - but I'd learned to silence her voice so well I just plowed through anyway. ME. I’m being real vulnerable, y’all. I’ve taught my kids to listen to their intuition and I taught countless women to do the same. So here I was, a fraud. I was wearing a mask. This story has a happy ending, I promise. Keep reading. :)

"Do it afraid" was my motto back then, but I've since burned that slogan. There’s a vast difference between the fear that comes with growth/being out of your comfort zone and fear that comes when your gut knows you’re stepping into the wrong life.

At first, the relationship looked like a fairy tale from the outside. He'd drive three hours just to spend a couple hours with me. He'd leave sweet gifts and wash my dishes. I thought it was romantic back then.

What I refused to see clearly were the red flags waving frantically in front of me: How he'd casually humiliate me in front of friends, I ignored his shopping addiction that was really a hoarding problem, and the way his criticism slowly chipped away at my sense of self.

I have a strong personality, and I didn't take it lying down. But I quickly realized this was a battle designed for me to lose. I was speaking into a raging storm. So instead of fighting, I began plotting my escape.

The Moment Everything Shifted

The turning point came during a drive to the airport. He was leaving for a work trip, and after weeks of constant arguing, he asked: "Are we going to get through this?"

My stomach had been in knots for months from anxiety and stress. But in that moment, something inside me snapped into clarity.

"No," I heard myself say. "No, we aren't going to get through this. We're going to break up and go our separate ways."

He assumed I'd stay in our shared lease for seven more months. I smiled and nodded, but inside I was already gone.

The moment I dropped him at the airport, I went into full survival mode. I packed, sold, organized, and loaded my SUV with everything that mattered. Then I drove straight back to Kentucky, back to my parents, and straight into a life of uncertainty - but I felt a glimmer of happy.

Meeting Bibi: My Road to Freedom

Before leaving Florida, I'd found her online—my perfect dream nomad camper van halfway across the country. Did you hear me? Halfway across the country! I contacted the owner anyway; I knew in my gut she was mine. The winds of change blew, and the Universe sent me a gift: The owner could meet me just a couple of hours from my parents' place! So, after a FaceTime tour and a passed mechanic's inspection, I signed a contract to make her mine. Cue the giddiness!

The Real Work: Healing My Timeline

Here's what I really want you to understand: The van wasn't the transformation, and the end of the relationship wasn’t either. The real work happened in the months that followed.

For the first time in my life, I started doing the deep healing work I'd been avoiding. I stopped running away. I began what I call "healing my timeline"—going back through patterns, relationships, and decisions where I'd abandoned myself to keep others comfortable, prioritized other’s needs ahead of my own, and times where I was my own villain.

I stopped looking for love outside of myself. I was a validation-seeker, constantly adjusting my authentic self to fit what I thought others wanted. I realized I'd been treating myself like a rough draft, always editing who I was based on other people's reactions. Pick me! Pick me! And I attracted a lot of what I did NOT want in my life.

So I did the work. I learned to find safety within myself instead of in external circumstances. Before, I would say - “If this person had done that” or “If I only had the right relationship or the perfect living situation, I would be happy”, Now I understand that real safety comes from within me. And living a life of realy happiness and joy comes from trusting yourself enough to honor your truth, even when—especially when—it's inconvenient for others.

Most importantly, I finally started operating in my authenticity. And friends, let me tell you something about authenticity that nobody warns you about: it's not comfortable at first. It feels vulnerable and scary because you stop performing and start being. You don’t hide anymore. No excuses

The woman who drove away in that loaded SUV a year ago was running from a life she knew was wrong and the pattern kept repeated. The common denominator was ME. I decided to take full responsibility for my part in it, and heal it - whatever it took. And now, the woman writing this newsletter is living a life that is absolutely, authentically mine!

And so can you.

Your Turn

If your life feels like you’re reciting lines from a play you never auditioned for, or you’ve ignored red flags like I did, pay attention to that feeling. Maybe your intuition has just been trained to whisper instead of speak. I’ve been there, sister!

Listen, the most radical thing you can do in a world that profits from your self-doubt is to trust yourself completely. And begin to find happiness and love by filling those holes yourself!

I’d love to gift you The Daily Joy: 100 Ways to Find Joy in 5 Minutes or Less. It’s a collection of simple, soul-lifting practices that helped me rebuild my spirit.

What would change if you stopped editing who you are?

What would your life look like if you chose authenticity over approval?

With happiness and joy,

I love you. Debby

P.S. - Bibi and I are still exploring, still creating, still choosing joy daily.✨ PS: What small glimmer of joy/happy did you choose for yourself today? Hit reply! I would LOVE to know!

Things Lighting Me Up This Week:

• THIS ART! I’ve got my groove back, and these small drawings flat-out LIGHT. ME. UP!

• WEBN fireworks! What. A. Show!

• I’m mesmerized by this book! How to Draw and Paint Mythological Creatures!

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