It wasn’t my taste in men. It was my training.

I used to think I just had bad taste in men.
But it wasn’t taste.
It was trauma.

Trained to choose men who needed me small.
Trained to mistake obedience for love.
Trained to think silence was holy—even when it burned me alive.

Not sure where you are in your healing process?
I created a free tool to help you name it.
👉 What Stage of the Religious Healing Spiral Are You In?
It only takes a minute—and the clarity will feel like exhale.

I’ve had six major toxic relationships. (not all were marriages)
Each one a different flavor of narcissism, gaslighting, or mansplaining.

I’d get burned, rise again, swear I’d never repeat it.
And then—there I was.
In love with another man who needed me to disappear so he could feel powerful.

I thought something was wrong with me.
But here’s what I now know:

👉 We don’t choose what we want
👉 We choose what we’ve been trained to recognize as love

That old familiar chemistry?
That rush of passion that feels like fate?
It’s often just trauma bonding.
A nervous system saying, “This is what we’ve survived before.”

Here’s the thing: Deeply embedded church doctrine, family dynamics, and cultural expectations often intersect to reward our silence and teach us that our desire is secondary to male interest. So what we ‘think’ we want - is not what we believe deep inside. And we gravitate toward the familiar again…and again…and again.

And instead of being taught to trust our gut, we were taught to trust authority—especially male authority—and to override our body’s cues in the name of “being a good girl.”

The truth is, we keep repeating the same subconscious patterns until they are recognized and identified. When that happens, THEN we can heal them and rewire our inner belief system, so that we don’t repeat them. Ever. Again.

🎨 Visual Oracle: Reclaiming the Voice

This painting came through me the night I finally saw the pattern.
Look at the painting deeply.
What does she say to you?

Reply and tell me what you see. These paintings aren’t just art—they’re mirrors. I read each and every one of your email replies personally.

 🔥 3 Ways to Unchurch Your Relationships

⚡ 60-Second Energy Reset: The Wayne Cook Posture

This technique helps untangle emotional confusion, calm the nervous system, and enhance clarity—especially beneficial for those who've been taught to suppress their feelings and voice. How to do it:

1. How to Perform:

   1. Sit comfortably with your back straight.

   2. Cross your right leg over your left knee.

   3. Place your left hand on your right ankle and your right hand on the sole of your right foot.

   4. Inhale deeply through your nose, lifting your body slightly.

   5. Exhale slowly through your mouth, relaxing your body.

   6. Repeat this breathing cycle 3–4 times.

   7. Switch sides: Cross your left leg over your right knee and place your right hand on your left ankle and your left hand on the sole of your left foot.

   8. Repeat the breathing cycle 3–4 times.

   9. Uncross your legs, place your fingertips together in front of your chest (like a prayer position), and take a few deep breaths.

Why It Works:

The Wayne Cook Posture aligns and balances the body's energies, helping to:

• Clear mental and emotional confusion.

• Enhance communication between the left and right hemispheres of the brain.

• Promote a sense of calm and centeredness.

This is especially useful when confronting ingrained patterns from religious conditioning that have taught you to silence your inner voice.

Memes That Preach (Better Than a Pulpit)

Why I’m Qualified to Teach This Work

I didn’t learn this from a textbook.
I learned it by surviving toxic relationships,
by crawling out of the ashes of obedience and calling it love,
by repeating the same pattern over and over—until I finally saw it.

I was trained—by religion, by culture, by family lineage—to stay small.
To say yes when my body screamed no.
To see red flags and call them “God’s will.”

But I don’t live there anymore.
I’ve rewired what love means inside my body.
I’ve faced the trauma loops, the guilt, the internalized shame.
And I’ve done the hard, sacred work of breaking the spell.

That’s why I teach this.
Not because I have all the answers—
but because I’ve lived the questions, and I won’t gate-keep the light I found on the other side!

A Sacred Offering
If this newsletter stirred something deep… Unchurching the Soul was made for you.

It’s not just a book. It’s a course in disguise—a guide through the shadows of conditioning and into your own divine truth.

You are not “too much.” You are remembering who you authentically are - before obedience was your only option.

P.S.
You were trained to serve, to submit,
To silence your knowing in the name of love.

But the voice you silenced may be rising now—and she’s sacred.

Something resonated? Tell me.
I read every single reply, because your voice matters to me.
We don’t do performance healing in this space—we do real reclamation.
So don’t stay silent. I’m listening! Keep choosing yourself. Again and again. I’ll be here, cheering you on!